Roger that, be adviced radio stato cognent
Roger that 710
....
Seven, three, eleven.
Looking good. Landing vector optimum touch down in t-minus 12.
11, 10, 9 ...
8, 7, 6 ...
5, 4, 3 ...
2, 1.
NSR now drop the banners.
-All set. -Must we?
-The Eagle has landed baby. -Please keep that fool off the main frequency.
Are you getting a reading on your end too, Sanders?
Mission control I can confirm vast quantity of Helium 3 and the readings are stronger this way.
-You're breaking up, please be adviced you may be nearing meteor shower.
Adjust to communicate....
No fucking way!
Hey Sand, what do you do with that thing hopping around over there?
I thought you suppose to be taking some photos of me.
Washington, have you got a visual on ... - What was that, Houston?
-Hey Washington, it's Helium 3. -What?
It's Helium 3 mine. Get over here! Hey there's something over here you need to see.
No, Sanders! Sanders!
Oh god!
Houston!, Houston! Son-of-a-bitch I need to get out of here.
In English, now.
Where are we from?
-Siegfried. -The Earth.
And when did we leave?
-Brunhild? -1945.
-And where did we go? -The dark side of the Moon.
Brilliant.
THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON DC
Don't try to play dumb with me!
It was your bad idea to send those idiots to the Moon!
-Talk about disaster. -Not to be contradicting madam president,
but i'm pretty sure it was your idea.
It was my great idea have they succeeded, now it's your stupid idea. Got it?
I didn't hire you for stupid ideas. I hire you because of your Midas' touch.
Now my ratings are in the toilet and that election is just weeks away.
You dropped the ball Vivian.
Now, I need a miracle. Get me a miracle.
Actually how was sending those two astronauts to the Moon, supposed to getting me re-elected?
We haven’t been to the Moon for fifty years. One of them was black.
-Thought it would look good. -Look good how?
Like I said one of them was black.
Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Alan Powell.
-Colin Powell. -That was close.
-And where are you going? -The UN, to do my job.
The Great Dictator by Charlie Chaplin.
It is one of the world's most famous short films,
which illustrates in ten minutes his wish that one day, the entire world
will be held in the great Führer's wise and gentle hands.
-Any questions? -I have a question.
In my classroom we are here to strictly form a manner of addressing one another.
To what do we owe the honor of this visit?
-We captured an earthling. -Your expertise is required.
I love me some sauerkraut.
And Volkswagen. huh...volvicnuggen.
German words, right?
Where I come from we speak German too, you know what I'm saying?
Your gonna be sorry you did that white boy.
You are a knock-out.
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady. Have a nice day.
No... That is the air lock!
No!
You might wanna cover up a bit.
All good?
I wouldn't do that if I was you! Listen to me, listen to me!
I know a lot of important people, very important people.
I even know the President of the United States of America.
If you kill me, then that's just a really fucked up situation.
You know the president of the United States of America?
Thanks homie, I'll talk to you later, babe.
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look man, how would I know? I'm just a model.
-A model what? Citizen? -No man, a model model...
Damn, what's wrong with you two? You blind or something?
-Shit, I'm pretty. -Are you part of the shock troops before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be trippin'.
What is your mission?
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I'm saying?
-What is this device? -That's my kick-ass cellphone.
-And a computer. -What?
That's not a computer.
This is a computer.
No, dat's ancient history, homie.
UNTIED WORLD CONFEDERACY, NY
I am telling you once again...
One moment we receive conformation that the ship has landed successfully on the Moon.
The next, all communication stopped...
as though it had simply vanished. -Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the Moon.
I still find it very difficult to believe that entire purpose of the mission
was to promote your president's re-election.
Well, believe what you like, we had the senators spend
hundred-of-millions on campaigns to get her elected the dog-shit-post.
But Mr Secretary, the expenses involved this time only make
sense if it were a military purpose.
Okay, let's get this clear:
The United States has no military activity on the Moon.
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the US sometimes mixes the two up.
-Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium 3 up there?
Helium 3? You just made that up didn't you?
That's so silly.
PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN HQ, NY
I assume these are just preliminary ideas?
Sir, we have a very small delivery window.
-Sir? -Yes, sir.
Ma'am, and this is all.
Anyone who is not the head of a department, should leave.
You idiots.
You morons! That's an insult to morons.
What is this shit?
I have a meeting with the President of the United...fucking States of America
tomorrow fucking morning!
Not with the President of Zambia!
Not with the President of the fucking Janitor's Union!
But with the president of the fucking country you all happen to be living in!
You pieces of hellacious shit!
What am I supposed to tell her?
That my employees are not intelligent enough
to be fucking morons?
Are you willing to work with the Führer ...
in the name of the fatherland, stand behind the Wehrmacht.
This decision does not resolve all of us ...
Thank you. I thought my ears were gonna bleed.
You're welcome.
May I ask what you name is?
James Washington.
-What's yours? -Renate Richter.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington.
James Washington.
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now please, you have met a brother before, right?
-No, I'm an only child. -No, I didn't mean like that.
I meant a black man.
No and this continues to confuse me
because you are much blacker then when I first encountered you.
Okay girl, look either I'm black or you're blind.
Look, what is going to happen to me? I mean, what's with this guy sticking needles in me?
-What about that angry dude? -My father's sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy? That your dad?
And what about you know....
Mr. Nachrichtenübermittlungs- Oberführer Adler?
-I'm sorry, what? -Klaus Adler.
He's going to be the next Führer.
And my husband.
Did you lose a bet or something? I mean....
Hey, lucky you...
Actually, lucky him.
-I shouldn't even be here. -You cannot leave me tied up like this.
-Please do me a favor. -What?
-Play a Nazi. -And if I don't?
-They will eliminate you. -Oh, great.
Is there a different radio station?
With the upcoming war ...
He's back.
Hey man, I dont like the look of this.
With the prisoner now being one of us we go down to the Earth.
He'll help us to find more telephone computers, we'll return
and then get Gotterdammerung flying.
UPSTATE, NEW YORK
-Can you smell that? -No. We dont have time to waste.
Take me to that president of yours!
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to Mac store or something.
You said that you know the President of These United States of Americas.
Right, of course.
That President.
May I meet this President too?
Hey, Miss Richter, welcome to my planet.
-Get the hell out of my property! -You got to get out of here.
Hold on there Boss man.
That may not be the sharpest move.
Let me go talk to the brothers. They know me, I'm one of them.
Are you with me?
Now you're talking.
Now...
I am happy to see you all man.
You all know me.
-Washington. -I mean ...
That ain't one of yours, is it? Look man, you aint got to bring that shit out.
I'm a peace loving brother. -Fuck it man!
-Are you alright? -Do I fucking look alright to you, miss crazy fucking Nazi?
What the hell just happen?
You know..
No, mother-effin way!
What you sick sons of bitch's do to me?
-I should've told you... -What? That I look like a fucking polar bear?
You two really know how to fuck up a guy's Christmas!
Quiet you fool! What is wrong with you?
We made you Aryan, you are one of us now.
-You should be thanking us. -Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those brothers come here with there size 15s,
put a foot so far up your ass you can taste the toe nail for 2 weeks!
Klaus.
Bring me to your leader, James Washington.
Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me.
Get your hands off me, you mother...
-You can use her to get to your boss? -Yes, she's the cheese.
-And she knows the president? -Oh yeah, yeah, they real tight.
Come on.
You fucking bastards! Do you know who I am? Huh?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman! The wrong fucking woman!
I hope you're having a good time. I'm gonna kick your fucking ass.
Excellent.
My turn.
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich. We are based on the Moon.
I'm told you know the president of these United States of the Americas.
You will take us to that the President, because ...
-I have a very special present for him. -Him?
Well, he'll love that. He just loves presents.
As soon as my mission is accomplished,
Nazi invasion forces will be called in under my directions,
and we will end the good times for the bad people.
And just how do you propose to do that?
-We'll simply eliminate them. -What?
-Sorry, that is not what we are told. -Renate, I do not think that you ...
Yeah. Why not?
Why don't you tell you this woman why we are here, just like you keep telling your pupils?
I would love to do that.
You see...
The National Socialist Party is the people's party, nothing more...
We wish to return to Earth with our message of peace and unity,
love through virtue,
and kindness, for example.
We are healthy, in mind and body.
Our spirits are brave and true.
We achieved, because we are strong, and disciplined in our cause.
There is simply no believe that they can match ours
because peace and unity is the gift that we bring to all mankind.
What you and all earthlings need to know ... -Yeah, I get it.
This is good.
This is going to work.
You, I need...
And you ...
I want.
Alright, let's go meet the president.
Madam President ...
Here's the miracle you asked for.
-Who is that man? -He will lead the campaign troops.
Renate, please ...
This is very simple.
The world is sick ...
and we are the doctors.
The world is anemic and we are the vitamin.
The world is weary, but we are the strength.
We are here to make the world healthy once again.
With hard work ...
With honesty, with clarity, with decency.
We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers.
We are the embodiment of love and bravery.
We are the gift of both God and science.
We are the answer to the question.
We are the promise delivered to all mankind.
For that we raise our hand, to one nation.
We step to the beat of one drum...
....of this world.
We are the people that carry children on our shoulders.
The same way as our fathers carried us and their fathers carried them.
We are the one people, united and strong.
We are the one people with certainty, moral certainty.
We are invincible and we have no fear.
Because the truth makes us one.
The Moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there. I'm telling you.
They have all this Moon base and this space thing, and they comin' to take over.
You must listen because the Nazis are coming.
They coming to get us all. Why don't you listen to me? I mean ...
Renata!
Washington. James Washington.
I'm so glad to see you alive.
Look I got one, this is the bitch that made me white as a fucking snowflake.
Come on people, help me.
Help me.
I saved your life.
So, you're a formerly dead, black model ...
...who is now suddenly a living white hobo,
after spending the weekend on the Moon. Is that correct?
-Yes, that's correct. -So I was listening.
And you are Neil Armstrong after the sex change operation. Is this correct?
No, that is not correct. You were not listening at all!
My name is Richter. Renate Richter.
I tried to save this man's life and I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful.
OK, ask Miss Moon-Nazi here, was I, or was I not on the dark side of the Moon.
Yes, Mr. James Washington was on the dark side of the Moon.
There, what did I tell you.
I am black, but now I'm white. I went to the dark side of the Moon, but I'm now back.
The Nazis are coming to kill us all.
And you guys are going to be so sorry that you didn't listen to me.
Mr Washington James, why are you so upset and angry?
-Get lost. -But I do not understand.
We made you white.
We taught you the National Socialist message about peace and unity.
You people have robbed me of everything.
My race, my identity, my career.
And I'm beginning to think my flipping mind too, I mean just everything.
Do you know this?
Yes.
Come on in. I will explain it to you, then you'll understand it.
You are one strange broad, I'll give you that.
Oh, you know you're buying popcorn, right?
125 MINUTES LATER
Man...What bullshit.
It was ...
-It was so long. -They coulda edited down a bit.
He was mocking the Führer.
I'm getting the sense there's a lot about Nazis you don't know...
-But I am a Nazi. -Yeah, I know, but you not like...
Well, like them. A bunch of stupid bullies.
No, I'm sure they're good boys,
and loyal to the Reich and their mothers.
Look, they are wearing the symbol of love.
The swastika? Yeah.
I have never heard they call that before.
No.
What we got here, blond hair, blue eyes, nice rack...
Even Hitler will get a hard-on.
-Look guys, we don't want any trouble. -Get lost, hobo!
-I got a funny story to tell you, you're not gonna believe this... -Stop that, that is enough.
What she needs is a good war.
A war always make a president popular.
Well, I might be able to help her out there.
How do you mean?
One word from me, and the invasion from the Moon begins.
-You never break character do you? -No.
I can never be broken.
-You smell so good. -The time has come.
I will show you my plans.
Come back here.
Look, I've maped out somethings.
Oh, big fella...
All work and no play?
Now listen, don't you think if I asphyxiate the president...
Will the troops stand in line with us?
That's when I will order the Moon invasion.
It will be choirless bloodshed.
I'll eliminate the Moon Führer.
Klaus Adler.
So Klaus, is the clown joining us?
What...did you all buy tickets?
Ok...so, do you want to introduce me to your friends?
Get your hooks off me, you crystal mouthed piece of shit!
I can make it worth your while, just please let me go.
I'm here to tell you that I have nothing with you and your plans.
You Nazi-piece-of-shit!
He fell for the old one last blowjob offer.
God... Nazis are stupid.
I commend you on your marksmanship.
Shame. She was such a nice girl. Just have to kill her later.
So, it was real?
-All this time. -Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.
Farewell, fashionista.
I have a planet to conquer.
Ill just... grab this.
Bye.
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Un...be...fuckin...lievable!
Thank you, Kelly. Moments ago New York has come under attack.
Witnesses claim to have seen 100s of UFO's appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire.
Billy, get that? Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across.
I'm seeing what appears to be a weapon of some-kind dangling down.
Oh my god, it's opening fire! I'm going to hide!
There is little information, but here's what we know at this time.
-OK, you see the thing is, Klaus... -I know it was your doing.
-It's wonderful. -It's wonderful?
It's brilliant. I'm a wartime president now.
All presidents that start war in their first term of office
always get re-elected. I thought, I was going to have to bomb Australia or something.
No, you bring me real.
-Who are these guys anyway? -Nazis.
-From the Moon. -Real live Nazis?
Holy shit, this is just getting better and better.
You're a miracles work of thing.
They are the only guys we ever actually manage to beat in a fair fight.
I'm just like Franklin D. Roosevelt. only no, I'm not a spastic.
I knew you'd be excited.
If you’re Roosevelt, who is your General Patton or MacArthur?
Mister Secretery of Defense. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Send her.
-Me? -Hey, you're the miracle worker.
Apparently you dodge bullets, too.
-I wouldn't know... -What to wear? You'll think of something, you always do.
Madam President ...
Ready to face the music?
Escape from the Nazis.
Take us upstate. We need to go back to the Moon.
We? We rhymes with me, and I ain't going.
-They got a Gotterdammerung all around the Moon. -I couldn't give a good damn what they have.
-I'm not going back to that place. No way. -You want to look like that for the rest of your life?
Oh, great, now this is my fault.
-Let me in. -I am no hero, James.
I need you.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well, can't be any different than playing 'wing commander'.
Let's try.
I swear we do not have nothing on the Moon.
-Japan? -It is not ours.
-China? -It is not us.
It's bloody well not ours.
-I confess. -Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours.
Our beloved leader designed and built them himself.
-What is so funny? -All right, North Korea. Sit down.
-So, it was you, India, I knew that. -No, no, this is a sign of peace!
That is the sign of peace.
These thugs are Nazis, I mean the real McCoy.
They have been hiding on the Moon, just waiting to pounce.
My question is, what are yall planning to do about it?
Because we happen to have a little something up our own sleeve.
And I'm sure they'll be thankful for it.
May I present you tomorrow's exploration ship the USS George W Bush.
Good work, take it to officer Tyler, please.
This is trajectory, what's our status on the orbit window?
Commander on deck.
The hostile fleet have launched a full scale aerial attack against the United States.
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere.
Each of them approximately carry 200 enemy vessels and are extremely...
Hell have no fury, Herr Adler.
Alright kiddies, let's get this show on the road.
Vivian, you look great. How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better.
I am packing dozens of mega tonnes of nuclear warheads,
which I am going to carefully place up Klaus' kraut ass,
just as soon as I get him in my sights. -Carry on, kick butt.
Let them see what that baby can do.
Working at optimum capacity, ammo consumption within tolerance.
We're going under extremely heavy fire. We're gonna need reinforcements right now.
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day, mate, this Australian ship, Dundee Indurain 1, is ready to kick ass!
Spitfire reporting in.
Hang in there, Canada joining the battle.
This is a direct violation of international space treaty!
That you all signed, every single one of you!
Ready to join the battles.
That is supposed to be destroyed!
This is an outrage, you're all liars, just like my ex ex-husband!
-Calm down lady, calm down. -Don't you lady me, pinko!
Okay, who didn't arm their spaceships?
Great, great. That's just great.
-You all gave me your word. -But you broke yours.
We always break ours, that's just what we do.
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
Let's just beat the shit out of these pricks, and talk about the details later.
This is beautiful.
-Where the hell are we going? -To the Götterdämmerung.
I think Klaus will be there.
What did you think of that Adler?
Alright, what about this moon business?
What do you say we head on over and slap them around a bit?
Klaus, baby, I coming to get you.
-What the hell is this place? -This is the Götterdämmerung.
It will liberate the Earth.
Actually...
It is the biggest war machine ever created.
-This is the bridge. That's where I'm going. -I need to find your father, so...
-Where you think he is at? -I think you will find him over there.
Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engines.
-Or otherwise the Earth is destroyed. -Note to self, paralyze the engines. Got it.
No. You be careful.
-I mean you know... -What?
-Because you like me. -Right...
Oh, come on, a little...
You like me....
We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, commander.
Obviously and overstated, as usual Klaus.
Alright, everyone, let's get those nukes in action.
-I'm declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone. -But there are women and children down there.
The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists.
-Prime warhead on secondary armament. -Roger that.
-Prepare all available warhead on ground. -Fire the fucking nukes.
Nukes away!
Job well done.
Hey quack, remember me?
The Moon spook you turn into snowflake.
Oh shit, it's alive.
He must have the smallest dick in the universe.
Time...
...to fuck back.
Everyone, take position around this fat fallas and wait for my command to open fire.
Offensive ground confirmed. -Let her rip.
-Washington, do you hear me?
-You need to shut down the engines. -I'm working on it.
Holy crap!
Congratulations!
High five!
Well that was disappointing.
Do you think he suffered? Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it. Foxy and salacious, all the way. Congratulations.
-What's Helium 3? -Helium?
Did you say Helium 3?
Yes, there's like 15 to 20 giant towers that appear to be full of the stuff.
-That's ours. -It is? Why?
Helium 3 will make the US independent of all energy needs for the next thousand years.
Yes, it's ours.
Hear me out!
The Moon is American soil. Moon flag, star and stripes...
Who beat the Moon Nazis? We did, well...
Well, you helped out here and there, but ultimately it is just like WWII.
And who won that? We did.
-You lied. -Don't believe me?
Watch the movies. Movies don't lie.
Not the shoe, Jesus!
Vivian, this is the Secretery of Defense.
-Defend and hold Helium 3 at all costs. -But against who?
Against everybody!
Unfortunately, that's the story of revenge. It's messy.
Never really works out the way you wanted it to.
I feel lonely.
Allowing our hearts, or we will burn...
Burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation.
Renata.
Washington.
You are alive.
It's okay.
And you are the way you're meant to be.
Are you aware you are kissing a black man?
I guess we have a lot of work cut out for us.
Subs additionally edited, corrected and fine-tuned by LEVIS501